Shiver
I just did
Though I cannot
Seem to say why
I felt it was in part
The cold
In part
The time
In part
The un-explain-ability of it all
But I shivered
Here tonight
And I know it meant something
Something I cannot quite
Put to words
I shivered
I just don’t know
Exactly
Why
From Deodara (writing.com)
ReplyDeleteHello, deeboi
I was clicking "Random Read" and your exceptional descriptive poem, "Shiver" opened. This opinion is just my {emailreview:3535498::dc6c7c74c33e81d964e994589e98226c}.02 worth.
I was really impressed by "Shiver" and like the poet,
"I just don’t know / Exactly / Why." Good stuff.
For me, a helpful exercise is to read a poem aloud to hear the rhythm and flow. When I think it's right, I have someone cold-read the piece aloud while I listen for stumbles and awkward places in the rhythm and flow. I recommend it. By cold-read I mean, don't let the reader go over the piece first. Just offer it and say, "Please, start reading aloud from the top." deeboi, your ears won't let you down.
It was a rare and rich pleasure to read a piece on writing.com that is not laced with incorrect spelling, sloppy punctuation, and wretched grammar. To my eye, "Shiver" is error free.
Strive on. You have a future in writing.
Deo