Rain fell for a long time
A bloody long time It fell every morning
As everyone else woke up to
Sunny side up with a sense of belonging
It fell through summer
Two years long
Drenched my bed
Hid my tears
Pounded on the windows
Railed in my head
World afloat
Me the boat
Adrift at sea
Eternal monsoon
Today as I woke up
Safe in your arms
I heard the fall of sunshine
An end to my storm
Comment from www.allpoetry.com
ReplyDeleteThe use of rain for tears, especially the thought of an eternal monsoon is a good one. I like the line "Sunny side up with a sense of belonging" this gives the impression the tears have been present for a long time and have become something that has been a companion for a while. The second stanza could almost be like waking up from a negative dream and realizing it was just a dream after all, the safe feeling as you woke up to the realization of that would be both comforting and a feeling of relief. The last two lines of the poem "I heard the fall of sunshine, an end to my storm brings the poem full circle and to a rounded out conclusion with positive thoughts and ends on a happy note. May I suggest, the use of a few commas as punctuation can have a big impact on any piece of writing, it also helps your reader to see where one thought ends and the next one begins. Of course you to not have to change anything, just something for the next time.
Well done, keep up the good work, you have made a good beginning with your writing here on AP, I encourage you to continue.
Katie